


Rooftop

by FrankieCutsAndKisses



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, M/M, Mental Illness, PTSD, Simon is a Mess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-15
Updated: 2016-04-15
Packaged: 2018-06-02 11:04:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6563728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrankieCutsAndKisses/pseuds/FrankieCutsAndKisses
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everything is the same, except Baz and Simon never got together at the end of the book. Simon still kissed Baz, but they never ended up together. The humdrum was defeated and The Mage was still killed. Agatha has still moved to the US.  Simon still moves into a flat with Penny. A few years later Baz gets his own flat in the same building.  As the anniversary of The Mage’s death approaches Simon still feels guilty and heads up to the roof to think. While he’s up there he meets a familiar face.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rooftop

**SIMON**

 

I sit up, suddenly awake. I take a moment to steady my breathing and calm myself down, before I slump against my headboard and bury my face in my hands. A sob escapes me before I can stop it. I hate this time of year. It’s been five years and every December I get taken back to that night. I can still smell all the smoke, I can still hear The Mage’s voice shouting me, I still see my eleven year old self standing there, staring at me-The Humdrum. Every year, around this time every time I close my eyes I get taken back to that night. There was a lot going on that night, and at the time I couldn’t keep up with everything, but when you’ve revisited it as much as I have, everything gets imprinted on your brain.

 

I sit with my head in my hands for a few more minutes, then pick up my phone, squinting at the brightness for a couple of seconds before my eyes get used to it. It’s 1am. I let out a sigh and pull myself out of bed and walk to the kitchen. I get myself a glass of water then lean my hands on the counter and try to stare out of the window, but am only greeted by my own face. I look like shit. My hair is sticking up all over the place, I look much paler than I normally do, and the circles under my eyes are getting much worse. I sigh as I turn away from the window, and drag my hand down my face. I can feel myself getting worked up again, my breathing is starting to speed up, and my heart is pounding. I need some air. I run into my room, not even trying to stay quiet so that I don’t wake Penny, and grab a hoodie and my keys, before I leave the apartment and run down the corridor. I can either run up five floors to the roof, or use the lift. I decide that the lift will take too long so I start running up the stairs. If I still had my wings I would be able to fly up and be on the roof in no time, but they kind of vanished two years ago. Honestly, it’s kind of a relief that they’re gone, while there were benefits to having them, human’s aren’t supposed to have wings, and they were causing me all sorts of trouble. I constantly had backache, I couldn’t leave the flat without Penny casting **These Are Not The Droids You’re Looking For** on me, and even then they had a chance of reappearing, not to mention the fact that I’ve knocked far too many cups and glasses off surfaces with them, I think me and Penny have spent a small fortune on new ones in the last four years. Although I’m relieved that they’ve gone, the day they actually went was… strange. I woke up and something just didn’t feel right, but I couldn’t put my finger on it, I don’t think Penny noticed for a while either. Then my back started hurting, which wasn’t anything unusual, but then the pain got worse. It was horrible, I could barely stand it. The the left wing kind of tore its self away from my body. Penny screamed and I’m petty sure she nearly fainted. The wing had vanished before it hit the floor. I remember being off balance for about an hour before the same thing happened to the right wing. Penny didn’t scream this time. She just stared at me wide eyed, then demanded to look at my back, to make sure there was nothing seriously wrong. I’m pretty sure she was considering contacting Dr. Wellbelove, until I told her that I was fine and felt a much better than I had done in a long time. I don’t think she fully believed me, and would definitely have preferred me to go, but she didn’t push it.

 

By now I’m nearly at the rooftop. I had to slow down a bit part way up the third flight, although I’m quite fit running up five flights of stairs is difficult. I only have one flight of stairs left, I can see the door to the roof at the top, so I use the last of my energy to speed up and get to the roof as quickly as I can.

 

I burst out into the cold air and run to the wall around the edge of the roof. My breathing is heavy, partly due to the panic that I can feel building up inside me, and partly due to running up the stairs. I’m fairly certain I’ve woken up half of the building but I don’t care. I look out, over the wall and stare down at the road below me.

 

Something inside of me is screaming at me to jump. A voice in the back of my head is telling me to do it. To end everything. My magic is gone, the world has no use for me anymore. Nobody truly wants me here, I’m just causing Penny problems, it’s been four years since I’ve heard anything from Agatha, and Baz hasn’t spoken to me since the day I killed The Mage. My breathing quickens and my heart starts pounding. My eyes fill up with tears and I’m dizzy. I lean all of my weight againt the wall, then feel myself slipping. I don’t have the energy or will to try and pull myself back. I don’t even realise that there is anyone else up here with me until their arms are around my waist, pulling me back. Whoever it is gently sits me on the ground and holds me up with one arm, and gently rubs my back. I close my eyes and try to get myself under control.

“Breathe.” A voice says, “You’re okay now. I’m here.”

It takes a while, but I manage to get my breathing and heart rate down to normal, and reach up with one hand and wipe the tears away.

“Thank you. I’m so sorry about th-” I look up at the person helping me and instantly cut myself off with a gasp when I find myself looking into the familiar grey eyes of my former roommate. “Baz.” his name comes out a whisper.

He hears me though and almost grins.

“Long time no see, right Snow?”

**Author's Note:**

> I am so unimaginative when it comes to naming fics. I'm so sorry.
> 
> I am working on another chapter of this but I'm not sure if I'll post it.


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